I haven't been the most loyal blogger lately. I am even surprised when I go to check the statistics of this blog and see that there are still few of you who come and check if there is something new.
It's been an interesting period. Let's be honest, it still is.
I tried many times to write something but it just wasn't the right time. Right now I'm writing this blog post while having a coffee in a bar facing Garda Lake. Beautiful place, there is nothing to say about it. I am waiting for my new video project to export because I have a deadline in one hour. Fingers crossed.
Lots of things happened in the past few months. I turned 27. And somehow this happened to be year of changes. And growth. And being honest to yourself and others. And making decisions.
I was always bad at choosing between things. Sometimes I go in a bar and I have a breakdown because I don't know what to take. And you can imagine what it comes with big decisions. I always try to listen my heart, but lately my head is trying to be more loud.
The head wants what would be the most convenient.
The head wants what is safe. What will prevent the heart from suffering.
But the heart wants adventure.
The heart wants wild, crazy, spontaneous things.
So there comes the time where you have to take the decision: who to listen?
I remember the last time I listened to my head and made an awful decision to go study languages instead of going travel the world. I know that this decision lead to the many interesting experiences, but what would happen if I've chosen differently?
I will never know.
For the past few months I've been feeling as I've come home. Literally, I did. I'm back to Ljubljana and studying what I was just dreaming about before. After I turned 27, I said to myself, no more compromises with who I am and what I want. And this is where comes the difficult part. Because in a Peter Pan world, it's great: everything falls in the right place, there are no obligations, no responsibilities. And in an adult world, there are. You are forced to take some decisions because you can't have it all. You can have one thing and have it good, but you need to decide.
How to decide?
Do you consult tarot, do you meditate, do you read horoscopes, do you do some kind of voodoo thing?
How to know what is right and what is wrong? How to know if you are deciding for good? There are sacrifices to be made but which to do in order to be close to what we call happiness?
What I know is that I need to create. I need to go forward with what I do because it is the only way. It's where i can hide where everything goes wrong. And it's in my heart.
What if you could have everything in the world and be with no worries about how to get through month and in a nice place but what you have to sacrifice is exactly that part of your heart? Would you do that?
Here I am with all this questions on my mind, with all this drama in my head and still believing that art is the only flow that can keep me alive. In the past few months I've been reading a lot, questioning myself why I do art and what this can bring to the others. I became much more aware of what I am manifesting and how am I doing it. Because there is so much crap already in this world and you don't need more. What we need is things which make you come alive. We need raw, pure, vulnerable, strong, bold words, movies, books, paintings which make you feel what is already deep inside you but needs to be awaken. We need to be awaken. We need to come alive.