December 31, 2016

2016

It has been a crazy year. I don't know for you but 2016 was totally out of control.
Things happened which I'd never say they would. Good and bad ones. 

What happened?

- I started having more professional work as a photographer and videographer

- My painting was given to the President of the Republic of Slovenia as a gift 



- I've written and directed a short experimental film inspired by Frida Kahlo's self portrait with cropped hair. The film was then screened at the Digital Big Screen festival in Trbovlje, Slovenia and at International Early Birld student film festival in Sofia, Bulgaria.


The film is not yet online because I am still sending it to the festivals but will keep you updated when it will. :)

- I volunteered as a coordinator of photographers/video team at International Film Festival Kino Otok in Izola and met some amazing people and realised that I really want to work in the film field.


-And now I will go personal. About personal, I discovered that some people are afraid of what can be labeled as personal. Recently I had a lecture at my university where we had to present our works. And it was funny how some people said for some of my works that they are really personal, and they praised more my other works which could seem more "universal" or "detached".
But I don't want to make detached art. I am not inspired by detached art. Every art that contains personal is what is life-changing. Because it came from an experience. And from experience you can draw something, from experience you can write, you can make films. 
And those works are screaming of awe, because the contain something that is infinite. It's the human experience, the search for it, the search for moments that contain no time and place that make this illusion we are living less painful.

-I learned things are not forever. Relationships are not forever. We are constantly changing and reshaping and stretching ourselves. We are constantly growing. This is a beautiful period, period of growth, but it is so full of pain. 

-Is love a hoax, I am asking to myself? Are relationships as we know them just a product of capitalism and should we look for the alternatives? What is this male and female energy and how can we balance it without hurting each other? How rare are men who are not afraid of female power? Because the more I am reading and researching about what it means to be a woman, the more I am aware that we do possess some kind of mysterious power which was held back for so long. 

- It's important to be aware of the power that is in each one of us. It's the kind of force that only we have and we know what we can do with it. There is no one who should say to you what are you capable to do and what not. Only you know. And then go for it.

- key words for 2017: self-love, self-acceptance, fight, courage, truth. 

November 19, 2016

LOVE, ILLEGALY



"You love in a way it should be illegal"

I was told recently.



After reflecting on this I realised that there is nothing wrong with loving this way. I simply can't love less.

I think love is the only force that keep us going and I am going to fall in love madly again and again, in a way you think it's illegal. Because it's my way and this is who I am. 

I will fall in love with random strangers on the street, with my fantastic friends who inspire me day to day, with people who shine the light and manifest it through painting, music, dance, poetry.

But I will try to keep away from falling in love with those who want to restrict my light and put it in the dark place. I will resist to put my heart again in the hands of those who squeeze it till there is no drop of blood in it. I will not put my love into conversations  and places where there is no space for me. 

There is no time to spend it on love that is not good. 

Love should be well spent. 
I need to give some of it to myself first. 
Because I've been giving it out to you for so long.

I just can't waste it any longer.


this was a lesson learned.




May 29, 2016

what is right and what is wrong

what is right and what is wrong
this world can be an amazing place
but also as cruel as a knife
do you dare to lick the blade?
is this just madness around us?
everything the opposite of what it should be

here we are- entertain us
here we are- give us what we want
here we are- smile bitch smile
here we are- dance bitch dance

and I go back to my corner
healing wounds which were not supposed to happen
too sensitive, over, over over
too much, not good, be like the others, normal, normal 
NORMAL
WHAT THE FUCK IS NORMAL

I will paint hearts for those who want pink world
I will colour the screens for those who shine inside
I will tell the tale no one did to you and me

you are fine as you are.




April 30, 2016

THE END OF PETER PAN ERA?

Dear readers,

I haven't been the most loyal blogger lately. I am even surprised when I go to check the statistics of this blog and see that there are still few of you who come and check if there is something new. 
It's been an interesting period. Let's be honest, it still is.
I tried many times to write something but it just wasn't the right time. Right now I'm writing this blog post while having a coffee in a bar facing Garda Lake. Beautiful place, there is nothing to say about it. I am waiting for my new video project to export because I have a deadline in one hour. Fingers crossed.
Lots of things happened in the past few months. I turned 27. And somehow this happened to be year of changes. And growth. And being honest to yourself and others. And making decisions.
I was always bad at choosing between things. Sometimes I go in a bar and I have a breakdown because I don't know what to take. And you can imagine what it comes with big decisions. I always try to listen my heart, but lately my head is trying to be more loud. 
The head wants what would be the most convenient. 
The head wants what is safe. What will prevent the heart from suffering.
But the heart wants adventure. 
The heart wants wild, crazy, spontaneous things.
So there comes the time where you have to take the decision: who to listen?
I remember the last time I listened to my head and made an awful decision to go study languages instead of going travel the world. I know that this decision lead to the many interesting experiences, but what would happen if I've chosen differently?
I will never know. 

For the past few months I've been feeling as I've come home. Literally, I did. I'm back to Ljubljana and studying what I was just dreaming about before. After I turned 27, I said to myself, no more compromises with who I am and what I want. And this is where comes the difficult part. Because in a Peter Pan world, it's great: everything falls in the right place, there are no obligations, no responsibilities. And in an adult world, there are. You are forced to take some decisions because you can't have it all. You can have one thing and have it good, but you need to decide. 
How to decide?
Do you consult tarot, do you meditate, do you read horoscopes, do you do some kind of voodoo thing?
How to know what is right and what is wrong? How to know if you are deciding for good? There are sacrifices to be made but which to do in order to be close to what we call happiness?

What I know is that I need to create. I need to go forward with what I do because it is the only way. It's where i can hide where everything goes wrong. And it's in my heart.

What if you could have everything in the world and be with no worries about how to get through month and in a nice place but what you have to sacrifice is exactly that part of your heart? Would you do that?

Here I am with all this questions on my mind, with all this drama in my head and still believing that art is the only flow that can keep me alive. In the past few months I've been reading a lot, questioning myself why I do art and what this can bring to the others. I became much more aware of what I am manifesting and how am I doing it. Because there is so much crap already in this world and you don't need more. What we need is things which make you come alive. We need raw, pure, vulnerable, strong, bold words, movies, books, paintings which make you feel what is already deep inside you but needs to be awaken. We need to be awaken. We need to come alive.