April 22, 2014

VOJNA UMETNOSTI

moji listi so zadnje dni prazni
naslonjeni na omari 
in me gledajo
očitajoče
zakaj jih vendar ne vzamem v roke
jih pobožam s svojo pisavo
ali čopiči
in jaz se izmikam
kot se izmika ljubimec resni vezi
ker vem da ko bomo skupaj
bo težko
in bodo solze kričanje 
trganje vsepovsod
kaos tanatos
všuuuuut pok tresk pam tššššš

potem bomo, vsi zadihani,
obstali za trenutek
si pogledali v oči
in počasi
korak za korakom
si padli v objem

takrat bo padel zid med nami
ki ga je sezidal strah
in bomo tako obstali
združeno srečni
do naslednjič


April 16, 2014

TRIP SVOBODE

in tako se vlečemo iz enega kafiča v drugega
prazno prijazni iščoč tisto nekaj 
kar bi nas spodbodlo 
da bi končno začeli živeti 
in nehali vleči bele črte 
in se nalivati s temnimi sokovi 
ki pustijo grenak priokus 
se odpovedali bleščečim dobrotam s svetlimi prelivi 
ki nas za kratek čas ponesejo v deželo ni je 
da bi nehali pogledovati na gladek ekran 
ki sporoča da smo potrebovani 
zaželjeni ljubljeni online 

ker na koncu smo vsi tu in zdaj 
in najlepše je ko ne slišiš piskov ne brnenj 
ko je edina droga ki te vleče sončni žarek 
in piš vetra ki diši po morju 

in namesto steklenice kupiš vozovnico v neznano 
takrat zadane bolj kot kdaj prej 
ker gre zares 
in prav to je 
tako boleče in odrešujoče hkrati 


April 15, 2014

SPRING




daisies are cute flowers
and their yellow navels
are like small noses
that peek into the world

they smell everything around
perfumes, poops and french fries
happily gazing with their leaves
and invite you to discover
if that boy likes you or not

daisies are funny flowers
and they really rock put in hair
they smile everyone around 
who see them on the top of your head

daisies love the world
and traveling stories
they install themselves all around

they are here to make people happy
all those who dare to see
a small gift on the ground 



................................................................




spring nights are full of stars 
and scratched knees
roller skates are in the corner
waiting for another chance
the ice cream date

skirts are fluffy on the streets
and light dresses flirt with boys

flowers are collected for the girls
and put into their wavy hair

freckles say hello to sun
and lips bite a juicy fruit

spring kisses are the sweetest ones




April 8, 2014

UNCOMFORTABLE CAN BE GOOD

Last wednesday there was an opening of my fourth solo exhibition  in art gallery Triglav in Postojna, Slovenia. It was a really pleasant event and I thank everyone who come and gave support and appreciation to me and my work. I'm sincerely grateful I had this chance.
At this point, I have to thank hugely to my mother. She's the one who usually pushes me the hardest to accomplish things in life. (I'm still learning to push myself harder as she does)

As always before I need to give a small speech I felt uncomfortable. The stomach began to perform his favourite shaking dance, my voice and my head have gone in some other universum, my hands were completely useless... and then it goes, you are thrown to the ocean and you swim. 

I wasn't talking about my work really, I was talking about what exhibiting my work means to me.
It is a constant provocation to put myself out there. It's kind of mazochistic thing, it hurts when you know someone will look at your work, your soul.
 You are not going to be safe anymore, you are putting your heart on strong exposure. This is scary.

But when is done, you feel relieved. And satisfied. Because You've done it. And it doesn't matter if everything is perfect or if everyone liked it, it's done.
 You won the battle against your inner hater who tells you it's not good enough.

I realized one more important thing. There are no mistakes in art. Because art has its own life. If you are trying to make a work of art perfect, it's like trying to get yourself perfect: you can get liposuction, nose job, boobs job.. and in the end you see that there is no point in all this surgery because you are just making things worse. Your work is the reflection of that moment and it has it's own highlights and shadows. It's ok like this, it has life inside it. Remember that you are not the one to judge the work, it's on you to do it.

And people feel that. They don't look at the "mistakes". They just congratulate you and wishes you all the best. Many of them said to me that they are looking forward for the next one. This is how it goes. You need to keep going forward, getting better. But don't forget to have fun with your work, to make it an exploration, adventure.

If you have something that you need to express, do it. Because what can you lose? You can just make a world a little more beautiful and you will feel more alive. Please, we need more beauty and there is no need to hide those inspiring works in your drawer. Be uncomfortable for a moment and make a difference or be comfortable and self-denying for all your life. It's your choice.









April 1, 2014

HOW TO DEAL WITH PERFECTIONISM

Fact: Perfectionism is your enemy nuber one.

Task: Don't hang around with this toxic bastard.

Few days ago I've been to the first exhibition of an artist who was in her middle forties. She exposed a retrospective of her work, and it was very interesting to go through each phase of her creative life. Her early work was absolutely amazing; the brush strokes were made with bold, confident moves, colors were chosen with wildness and you could feel the freedom she felt while painting that wonderful landscape. You could smell the air on that painting.

The latest paintings didn't tell me so much. There was seen a progress by using different techniques and meticulously painted figures and shapes, but there was no spirit in them.
   
Because they were trying too hard to be perfect.

I spoke with the artist later and I showed her the painting I admired so much. She smiled and told me it was one of the first paintings that she did after many many years. She admitted that she didn't think too much about it, but just enjoyed doing it. "I doubt I could do it now," she said to me after a minute of silence, "now I think too much how should the painting look, and I take care more about details. Maybe that's wrong, I don't know". 

Too many times we forget about fun and we think just about hard hard work. This especially comes when you are going to expose your work in front of other people. It should be perfect, we say to ourselves, it MUST be perfect. Every. F-ing.Time.

So we put less and less of ourselves inside the artwork. Because we have to appear good, brave and strong, who master his art and doesn't allow mistakes. Perfect. Even the sketches have to be impeccable.

But the problem is that we don't make the perfect art. We make boring art instead. The perfect art is the one that comes from the depths of your heart. This art is vulnerable, is maybe bad in all the proportions of classical art and it doesn't fit the moral and aesthetical standards. 
But this is your art. And it's unique and interesting in the way only you are. 

If Picasso would make the same things as Botticelli, would he become The Picasso? You have to stop comparing yourself to the others in order to really be you and discover again your flow and have fun doing art. 

Don't try to be perfect. Be free to express yourself. This is how the great works have been done.

I don't say this method works for everyone, but for me does: try doing something very silly, like silly in a good way. A simple poem, a line, a drawing. Something just for you.

Here is my simple silly drawing I did by allowing me to be bad at painting. To be really basic and stupid, like a 5 years old.(I used to love drawing birds and chicken when I was little). And it was so deliberating doing it, I catch myself smiling.


Give it a try. And then send me a link of your great free work, I'd be very very happy to have a look at it. And write me in the comments what is your tool to overcome perfectionism.

Thank you.



 

March 24, 2014

FEAR OF WRITING

Deep down in my brain there is a voice who tells me to write. And by writing I don't mean just writing whatever, because I do that every day. I write in my diary, I write to my friends, I write ideas and thoughts... What this tiny voice means is to Write. To tell stories that have been heard, to tell lives that have been dreamt, to explore the dark secrects of the mind, to cry out tears, to laugh out funny moments, to express the view on the world I see from my eyes. To play and direct all that drama in my head.

It's difficult to confront the blank page. It's much easier to do everything else but that. We do different things to distract ourselves. We make ourseves busy. We do this, we do that, we eat, we drink, we go around, we loose time. We don't want to hear what is calling us.

Because when you do your art, the one that is the most yours, it's like being naked in front of the people. And maybe it wouldn't even be so shameful if it were just other people. But when you are about to expose your true self in front of someone you really care about, like your family? What if it's completely out of their perception of you?

When I have a piece of paper and a pen, I write. This is what comes out naturally. I love to paint, but it's not my first impulse. I remember when I was eleven years old, I got my first diary. I treated it like it was sacred. It was a perfect tool to put out what I had in my mind and to remembered what really happened. I was always afraid that some day I won't be able to recognize what happened in reality and what in my head. From this need thousands of written pages have been born. My diary was my safe tree house.

When I was reading books I always said: one day I'll write one. I also started, many of them, but in the end I never finished one. Then you grow up and you suddenly see that the world is different than you expected. It's big and you can lose yourself very easy.

I started to crave for some directions. Where do I belong? Where am I going?

I started buying self help books and books about creativity, about art and life.

In the book of Neil Gaiman speech I read this: the moment you feel that you are exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exist on the inside, showing too much of yourself: that's the moment you may be starting to get it right.


This is why so many artists are blocked. Because art is about revealing everything, exposing your weaknessess, your dark secrets, your fears and desires. With every word you strip off another piece until you are naked. We are covered by enormous amoutns of layers, masks, and we are frightened to death to go bare. Because we know that bare is vulnerable. Bare is bad, ugly, unknown even to ourselves, so we want to shut is up. Cover yourself, said God to Adam. Cover yourself, says Prada now. Be beautiful, be perfect. Do masterpieces, all other is a bunch of crap.


It's the courage you need, and some good friends that believe in you. To whom you matter. With whom you don't feel just like another number of people living in this earth. Friends that know why it hurts and that always will. Every day is a new battle versus our inner censor. 

This post just won today's battle versus it. It's finished. So will be my book, one day.





Do you deal with something similar? What are your tools to go until the end? Let me know in the comments below, thank you>!

March 22, 2014

LA BOCCA




sometimes my head is full of thoughts
but my lips stay quiet
closed
they don't want to speak
because they are too afraid of themselves
so they stay quiet in a grin
closed well
and become wet by words fallen from the eyes
those words that are heavy heavy
words of bad moments, bad thoughts

but sometimes lips are bold
courageous
and they make strange noises

kkkrrrrrccchhhhsshh
cccsshhkkrrkhhhchr
rcshhhkhhhshhhh

lips make those sounds when they are happy
when they see the world with red heart shaped sunglasses
and there is nothing in the world that could stop them
they speak sweet words like little kisses
kisses that come from the heart

in those moments lips are
the most open
the most beautiful
the most vulnerable
the most yours

those sounds are not made with everyone around
but only with the lips
crazy like them

...........................................................

italian version (original)






a volte la testa e piena di pensieri
ma la bocca resta ferma
chiusa
non vuole parlare
perche ha paura di se stessa
e sta ferma nella smorfia
chiusa bene
e diventa bagnata con parole che escono dagli occhi
quelle parole che pesano tanto tanto
parole di brutti pensieri, di brutti momenti

pero a volte la bocca e corraggiosa
e fa rumori strani


kkkrrrrrccchhhhsshh
cccsshhkkrrkhhhchr
rcshhhkhhhshhhh


la bocca fa questi rumori quando sta bene
e vede le cose con i occhiali da sole rossi in forma di cuore
e non c'e niente al mondo che puo fermarla
parla dolci parole come piccoli baci
baci che vengono dal cuore


negli quelli momenti la bocca e
la piu aperta
la piu bella
la piu vulnerabile
la piu tua


questi rumori non si fanno con tutti
ma solo con le bocche pazzi come lei







                                                 selfie, 2012
  
thank you, b. <3>